Of blowing my nose, itchy, scratchy eyes, freezing in my office no matter what time of year, being cold in the morning and hot in the afternoon….. I’m just tired and unmotivated. Not sure if it’s the winter blues starting to set in or not. I know it’s not even winter yet, but I hate saying good-bye to summer. I am not a cold weather person at all. I don’t ski, snowboard or ice skate, in fact, I hate being cold and wet, period. Ok, one nice snow is pretty, but after a day or two of it, it’s just messy.
Not really a big holiday person either. Don’t roll your eyes all you holiday revelers out there. I can take Thanksgiving. I enjoy eating , cooking and seeing family. There’s really no pressure involved. But Christmas… the only part of Christmas I truly enjoy is candle light service at church on Christmas Eve. Mom and I are the only ones that attend now. I miss my dad terribly, especially over the holidays. I don’t like to shop, although I do enjoy wrapping presents. A glass of wine and a bunch of wrapping paper and ribbon and I’m set for the evening. Creative outlet? Maybe I could work a deal: wrap other peoples’ gifts as my gift to them? I used to enjoy decorating , but now that’s just more to do in an already busy time, especially when I’m the only one that will see it… and I’m the only one to put it all away when it’s all said and done. Yes, I will still put up a tree. I’m not that much of a Scrooge. The stress of holiday parties and having a date for said parties is tiring too. And New Year’s Eve…. With all the hype and pressure to have plans and a date, it’s so easy to get depressed and be let down. There is a reason the holiday season is one of the highest for suicide…
Halloween is more my speed. I’ve always loved Halloween. It’s challenging and exciting to come up with a creative costume. A few of my favorites below:
Once, I put about 4 weeks into designing a costume. I don’t buy ready-made. That’s no fun. Again, maybe it’s the creative outlet I enjoy, and just being able to act a like kid. No real high expectations; it’s just about having fun. I’m one of the few at my office to dress up every year. The guys expect me to now. They come down the hall just to find me. This year though, I have no motivation to do it; no Halloween party to attend. I’m truly starting to think something is wrong with me. I just don’t get excited about things any more.
I need to find my mojo. It is definitely lost somewhere. Am I having mid-life crises? How do I get out of this funk? I thought maybe I should try dating again, but I just cringe when I open an online dating site. Just can’t do it yet.
I think I know what I need to do… plan another trip. Traveling seems to be the only thing that truly excites me these days. I need to get something on the calendar… or at the very least, start researching a place to go. Can’t do too much until after the first of the year, which means I have to get through the holidays…ugh.. Please everyone, bear with me these next few months.