Monthly Archives: November 2015

Elusive Sleep

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I head to bed with good intent,
That tonight I will get a good nights rest;
But my mind and eyes relent.

2:00 am comes and goes,
I switch from my side to side and back
Avoiding the mock of a clocks digital glow.

First I’m hot and then I’m cold,
so I toss and turn and fight with sheets.
Night after night, insomnia…this is getting old.

It’s 3:00 am and I’m still awake,
I’ve run through every checklist in my head.
Seems sleep is a slippery, elusive snake.

4:00 am and my eyes are leaden;
My mind has decided to rest.
Sleep has come, my senses finally deadened.

6:00 am an obnoxious noise alerts me time to rise.
With grogginess and a foggy brain I struggle.
I really feel like I just shut my eyes.

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My Chakras are Out-Of-Whack

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So I’ve been on this pursuit of finding internal happiness. I’ve tried tackling this restless, unsettled moodiness in several different ways this year. First, I decided to put a halt on dating. My train of thought being if this online dating stuff was stressing me out so much, maybe if I remove the source of stress, I would feel better. That has worked to a point. It is nice not worrying about if you’re going to hear from someone, what their intentions are, do we want the same things, how many other people are they seeing etc. I no longer feel the need to constantly check my messages and the feeling of being disposable is gone. On the other hand, I do miss the companionship, because when you are with the right person, it warms you up inside. Humans are social creatures and we seek companionship. I have wonderful friends, but that’s clearly not the same kind of feeling. I miss the warmth and intimacy shared with a special person.

Another one of my tactics was to travel more. That’s always been my biggest dream – travel, travel, travel. And I did do that this year. In April, I took a wonderfully relaxing trip to the Dominican Republic with a college friend. We used to go places all the time, but lives change and we hadn’t been on a trip together in a very long time. It was fun to reconnect and experience a new place together. Croatia was next in August. Another friend and I had talked about taking a BIG trip since the beginning of the year. We finally settled on one and booked it in June. For the next 2 ½ months, that’s where my mind was. I was so excited. I guess you could say I was just living for the future. It was a fantastic trip. It has left me wanting more travel… So, since our return, I’ve struggled with holding on to that excited, happy feeling. I obviously can’t travel all of the time… unless someone wants to give me job doing so???? Anyone, anyone..Bueller???

Ah, so here I am. Seems I’ve come to a fork in the road. I am looking for more challenges at work, which I think would help me focus there. I do much better when I’m challenged. Too much free time leads to too much thinking and leads to very long days. Dating again?? Still debating on that one… it’s quite obvious I avoid dating to avoid dealing with rejection and hurt, but you can only avoid things for so long… or maybe I could just become the crazy cat lady with 15 cats. But I really don’t want that. But I have the distinct feeling I need something more.

I have now become that person who lurks in the self-help section of the bookstore and Googles articles on finding happiness… hence my last post on hygge. (My brother is now rolling his eyes…) After some reading, I started thinking maybe I’m looking for inner peace? Yoga crossed my mind. I came across a yoga website, which lead me to taking a Chakra Test  http://www.chakrahealing.com . I don’t even know what ”chakra” is, but apparently mine are not in a good state. They are all either closed or weak.

chakra-healing

What the hell is chakra? Well, there are seven actually. I can’t interpret any better, so here’s the definition given on http://www.chopra.com:

The Sanskrit word Chakra literally translates to wheel or disk. In yoga, meditation, and Ayurveda, this term refers to wheels of energy throughout the body. There are seven main chakras, which align the spine, starting from the base of the spine through to the crown of the head. To visualize a chakra in the body, imagine a swirling wheel of energy where matter and consciousness meet. This invisible energy, called Prana, is vital life force, which keeps us vibrant, healthy, and alive.

Jeez..I need to learn an entire new language. Going on this theory, I feel so blah because my “energy does not flow.” According to the online test, five of my chakra’s are closed and the other two are weak. No wonder I’m a mess! What’s really enlightening are what the signs, or shall I say symptoms, are. Why? Because they so resonate with how I’ve been feeling.

A short summary from my test results on my closed chakra’s:

  •  If your Foot Chakra is CLOSED you feel ungrounded and confused about your life path and the direction you want to move forward on. You feel blocked and question your choices and lack confidence in your decisions.

Exactly… I feel so restless and ungrounded..ugh

  • If your Personal Power Chakra is CLOSED you tend to struggle with self-esteem issues, and feelings of unworthiness. You tend to question yourself when faced with important decisions like whether to move to another city, change your career, get married to your partner or to have children.

I never thought I had self-esteem issues, but maybe I do, especially when it comes to relationships.

  • If your Heart Chakra is CLOSED, you tend to sabotage your relationships with distrust, anger, and a sense that you’ll lose your independence if you rely too much on others. You may struggle with commitment, experience frequent fights or misunderstandings with your loved ones, and always keep yourself “on guard” in case you get hurt by someone.

OH BOY.. I’ve definitely done this is the past, which is the reason I avoid dating all together. And I do strongly relish my independence.

  • If your Intuitive Chakra is CLOSED, you have the tendency to feel helpless or lost when faced with decisions and judgment calls. You are indecisive, uncommitted and unconfident of the decisions you end up making, because you have a history of making the wrong ones.

Not in total agreement with this. Yes, I’ll admit I’ve made some bad choices in the past (haven’t we all?), but I don’t necessarily feel helpless. I like to think I’m proactive – which is the reason I’m reading all this stuff.

  • If your Crown Chakra CLOSED you tend to feel little or no connection to a higher power, and always feel alone. You feel unworthy of spiritual help, and perhaps even angry that your higher power has abandoned you. You often suffer from migraines and tension headaches.

And as I said, I do miss companionship so maybe I do feel somewhat alone. And yes, I have a headache right now.

How do I open my chakras? Well, for the rock-bottom price of $199 for the digital version and $249 for the physical version, I can learn how. LOL There’s always a price to pay. I’m sure this all has some true meaning and can help, but this is a lot to take in. Do I need to spend $200 to find balance? I think I may approach this in a more practical way. Maybe I will look for some yoga classes. I have taken some and I do feel better after them. I once went to a hot yoga candle light deep stretch. That was WONDERFUL. If I can relax, maybe my brain will settle down. If my brain settles down, then maybe I can start making some headway on where I want to be. If anyone has any thoughts on chakras or getting started in yoga and meditation, PLEASE let me know!

Namaste (not really sure what that means either.)

Why Cat Women Will Save Civilization

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Just waiting for cycle class  and came upon this post   She makes some very valid points!

We’ve all heard of Crazy Cat Ladies.  While the term often applies to women with an unusual number of cats, I’ve also heard it applied to women who love and care for cats, even in small numbers. The caricature goes like this: unmarried women, usually without children, spend all their time and money on their […]

https://epiapril.wordpress.com/2015/08/05/why-cat-women-will-save-civilization/