Tag Archives: online dating

Don’t woo me with words and leave me hanging

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Today’s dating world is miles apart from the dating days of my youth. And I say that with a smirk.  I never dated until I was in college. Maybe I missed out on the basics 101 of dating?  Still though, it was a time before cell phones, Facebook, texting and online dating.  People met through friends, at school or out somewhere; a conversation ensued and numbers were exchanged.  A date was arranged and the guy would pick up the girl and out they would go for drinks or dinner or a movie.  Time was spent together along with long chats on the phone. Oh how things have changed.  Now, your fate depends on a left or right swipe and a short paragraph that’s supposed to grab someone’s attention. Introductions are made through text or emails. To think about how many texts I’ve received over the past five years is mind boggling.  Conversations have been diminished  to short little texts with an emoji that’s supposed to express the mood of the words… which aren’t even words anymore… BFF, BRB, LOL, WRUD…. And sexting. Really???  I’ve never felt less sexy.  And for someone to push that in my face when they don’t even know me, well… it’s a bit degrading.  How are you supposed to get to know someone that way?  You can’t.  Relationships aren’t built on emojis and dirty one-liners from pornos. Does anyone have basic conversation skills anymore?  Men and women have enough communication problems without this mess.

I could fill pages ranting on texting in the dating arena and dating in general. I admit, I rely heavily on texting concerning my friends.  But in dating, no.. It should not be the main mode of communication when trying to get to know someone. When that becomes the case,  I’ve learned to pay attention to actions. “Actions speak louder than words.” It’s a saying we’ve all heard but pay little attention.  Words are easy.  Made even easier by the impersonal text, which is also very one-dimensional.  With text, you have no references: was there a joking smile with a comment or a wink of an eye?  Was their tone of voice serious?  Did the person look away or make eye contact?  There’s no touch of a hand for reassurance.  It’s not a good vehicle to share and express emotions and feelings. We read into them what we want.   I was seeing someone who knew exactly what to say to me.  He flattered me with  sweet little texts every morning and throughout the day and I fell for it.   Who doesn’t want to hear they are beautiful?  Isn’t it wonderful to read that someone’s thinking of you and wants to see you?  It was short-lived bliss.  When confronted with the question  “when will I see you?” and all he had were excuses, the gig was up.  The sweet sentiment of his words were lost on his actions.

Begging someone to be apart of our lives shouldn’t be a part of the dating equation.  If it is, then it’s not meant to be.  We shouldn’t be left wondering what that I ♥ U!! truly means or if  WRUD really means they are interested and want to see us.  Our actions reveal our true intentions.  If feelings are mutual, finding time to talk and be together is something you just do. It’s really that simple.

 

 

 

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Hot Mess

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Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned, it has been 2 1/2 months since I have posted. Its been a hectic couple of months. Quick synopsis for those not on my FB page.

My forray back into the dating world was short-lived. Holiday boy ended the Thursday before Valentines Day (my doing), right after which, in mid February, I found myself with a very sick cat. Two vet visits, one ear surgery, a cone on a not happy kitty for two weeks and $850 later, brings us to March….

I decided to give the dating app one more try. The lineup:  a guy who might be related… far down the line but still…. not into that, some very “interesting” chats with a pilot who thought it very important to keep reminding me he has the labido of an 18 yr old …which I did not care to know,  some back and forth chats with a very nice man who ended up saying he was just now planning a divorce after being separated for 2 years and wasn’t quite sure if he was ready to date (Hello? you’re on a dating website?) and another guy that owns a pizza place (like I need that around) that literally begged me to go on a second date with him to only end up essentially standing me up.  My face started breaking out.  Umm, yes now I remember why I stopped dating…

In the mean time, traffic has been nutzo to and from work and rent is skyrocketing, so I decided to stop the dating craziness and dive into the house hunting craziness instead. I looked at 3 properties, all of which ended up with multiple offers, over asking price. Definitely a Sellers Market, and a very tight one. I soon discovered, for the area I was wanting, my budget was definitely a beer one in a champagne area. Being my stubborn self, I plunged forward and by April 1, I had found a place. It went on the market one day, and I had it by noon the next, with a closing date set for April 29…less than 30 days.

A note: one major hitch in all of this is my apartment lease, which isn’t up until end of August.  This means I continue to pay until someone else does. My fate is in the hands of the leasing gods … May they please be kind to me.

Three days later, my car started to act funny.  Well of course!  I took it in for service and end up being there for 3 hours.  Found out my maintenance contract ends next month!  Yipee! and I need two new front tires.  “These definitely won’t pass inspection in July,” I’m told.

Let the games begin.

That brings us up to date.

It has been a whirl wind of sorting, packing, inspections, appraisals and basic hemorrhaging of the bank account ever since. Lots of stress and purging of things, literally and emotionally, which I will follow-up on… 2 weeks til moving day.

Online Dating? Some reminders not to ….

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Hard to believe it’s already September. Feels like it was just last week I was sleeping off a hangover from New Year’s Eve. Turned out to be a very busy summer, which is a good thing. I started the New Year with really no plans other than, no dating… I’ve been thinking about that a little bit lately.

It’s been extremely nice not being stressed out about dating; wondering if some guy will call me back or not. Ick… But, I suppose I’ll need to get back out there at some point. Maybe… The online thing comes up now and then, but all I have to do is remind myself what was out there. I’ll recap some of last years dating candidates for those who missed out.

imageThis one came across my page. I refer to him as “The Thinker”. What exactly he’s thinking about sitting naked on the side of his tub is beyond me. And why he thought this photo would be great on his dating profile.. well… I probably do not want to know.

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This handsome guy decided to show his “quirky” side I suppose. Honestly, I don’t know what’s up with this. Between the hair, the ear thingy’s and.. is that a big pimple on the end of his nose? A friend of mine who works at the hospital said, “Oh, looks like he’s in a doctor’s office waiting room…” Yep, steering clear of that one…

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This one is showing all of his good habits… smoking, lack of personal grooming, and looks like he’s standing outside a tattoo parlor. Just not my style.. sorry.

Some had no picture, but instead tried to woo me with their romantic messages:image image

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Looks like I have a choice of Yoda speak and Joey speak, someone that’s angry about something? and a sappy poet…

I’m saving the best two for last though.

 

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This guy started a lot of talk on Facebook about what exactly is tattooed across his forehead. It looks like 5150… which a friend said was Police code for “mentally unstable”. At least he’s being honest upfront??? Certainly crazy enough to put a tattoo on his face. Here’s the kicker. Several months later, my nephews wife said she saw a picture of him on a friends page. Happens to be the brother of someone she went to high school with. YIKES

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And the crowd favorite.. Mr. Urban Cowboy who’s ” comfortable in my jeans, boots and cowboy hat. I ride a steel horse.” Well, all righty then. The peek-a-boo chest was just too much.

So there’s a brief synopsis of my online dating world last summer. Why do I have the photos? I had to comb through Facebook to find them. I was keeping my Facebook friends entertained with my unfortunate dating prospects. Don’t get me wrong, there are some nice looking guys out there, but things never worked out. Here’s the thing about on-line dating, I think some guys find it hard to commit to someone because there’s always more options sitting in their inbox. Ugh.. Anyway, my friends wanted me to continue just to see what may pop up. I’m not quite ready to face all of that again.

Unexpected Lessons

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After a few beers Friday night in Charleston, I thought to myself, “I’m here with 3 people I didn’t know last year, watching a band from my past (Hootie and the Blowfish – always a great time), and having a blast.” I felt good (no, I wasn’t drunk…). It was a satisfied feeling.  I thought about that feeling as I took a break last night from packing for my awesome trip to CROATIA in 4 DAYS (just a little excited)!

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This time last year, I would never have dreamed I would be preparing for a trip to Croatia.  I was in the throes of the dating world; well, trying to date anyway. It was just one crappy situation after another. When I made the decision to take a dating hiatus as part of my New Year’s Resolution, it was out of sheer irritation, annoyance and frustration…with the guys and me.  There was never the thought of “I should take some time to ‘find myself’.”  I was just done.  But life has a way of teaching you lessons you don’t expect.

My stress level decreased tremendously once I stopped the online dating circus. I didn’t realize how much it did stress me until I was done with it. Then I just relaxed and started thinking about things that truly make me happy.  I started taking action: Instead of browsing for men, I started browsing for exciting trips; in the spring it was the Dominican Republic.  I focused on making new friends, trying new classes at the gym – barre is a KILLER – starting this blog, and just getting out and about; essentially, taking care of myself, mentally and physically. I stopped focusing on finding someone and turned my sights on doing things and for the first time in a very long time, I feel comfortable in my own skin.  And I’ve had tons of fun without all of the drama!  That makes me happy… and when you are happy, people want to be around you. Funny how that works.

I cherish the friends I’ve had for years and am so fortune they are still in my life.  It has been a lifesaver reconnecting with old friends, but lives change. I thought it would be very hard to make new friends. And it does get harder as we get older, but I’ve managed to make some terrific new friends who are in the same place in their lives. I have new adventure buddies! None of which I would have met if I had continued with life as is – miserable.  There have been so many changes in my life over the past 5 years: separation and divorce,  losing my father, selling my home and a multitude of bad dating situations.  Regardless though, life doesn’t end with divorce or when you lose someone and it certainly doesn’t end in your 40’s! I think my true life is just beginning.

Will I enter the dating world again? I’m sure I will. Let’s be honest, it can be very entertaining (especially for blogging…) and it is human nature to seek companionship. However, there is a big difference in being alone vs. being lonely. I’m not lonely and I haven’t missed dating. My life feels satisfying now. I value my independence.  When I decide to date again, I will have a new perspective, a new set of rules and high expectations for myself and the other person. I won’t let that world drive me to near craziness again.